The Deeper Work

It is hard for me to believe that this is my final post of 2015, and also the completion of my first full year of blogging.  Before I started writing this particular post, I spent some time going back to my earlier musings.  It was like reading a diary or a journal, week by week, stepping back and remembering what was happening in my life and my heart, translated into this electronic record of sorts.

What I loved seeing most though, was the trajectory of my writing…how over the course of a year, I became more vulnerable.  How I allowed more of myself, my inner experience to come through on the page.  I am most proud of that courage, as I look back on my first year of blogging.

As I reflect back over the deeper process, I realize this was a time of re-claiming my love of writing, a passion that had been set to the side for many, many years.  What matters even more than the words, was my journey towards self expression.  This was a year of starting and maintaining a consistent meditation practice.  This was a year of conscious cultivation of mindfulness and compassion.  This was a year of coming into closer contact with my values and strengths and intentions for myself.  This was a year of five am awakenings, putting down seven hundred and fifty words every morning to clear my head before the sun rises.  This was a year of deepening my work in therapy.

In essence, the writing on my blog was a surface reflection of something much deeper–coming to know and understand my own words to begin with.

And even more than knowing, this was about finally, completely, wholeheartedly embracing who and what I was, flaws and all.  It was only then that I was able to discover my voice and the courage to speak my truth.  Once I accepted myself and allowed myself to put who I was “out there”, thankfully the universe met me more than halfway.  My writing allowed for a type of love and connection with my readers that satisfied a deep longing and need within me.

I once shared with a friend that I write my blog with my children in mind.  I envision their future selves, reading my thoughts some day and hopefully finding something useful or hopeful or uplifting in difficult times.  What I would tell them now is this.  If you can find a way to know yourself, befriend yourself, be kind to yourself, love yourself, then your authentic truth will shine exactly the way it was supposed to.  If you can prioritize a deep, meaningful relationship with yourself, you can be exactly who you were meant to be to others.  This is the path towards true, open hearted connection.  This is the way to chart your own, unique trajectory in this world.

So I thank each and every reader who has visited here.  You have honored my first attempts at self expression, and honored all that unfolded beneath these words.  I am so blessed and grateful.  I look forward to deepening this work in 2016, and many more moments of continued resonance with all of you.

Wishing you all the best in the year ahead and beyond.

With gratitude, Monisha