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Fooling Around

When I first started my blog a couple of years ago, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.  My initial vision was to share a few brief thoughts that might help my readers bring a bit more mindfulness into their lives.  What actually evolved as I started writing was something I never could have imagined.

I found my voice.

I shared the cracks in my armor.

I allowed myself to be seen.

I took risks.

Starting my blog was a fundamental part of an identity shift that was occurring deep within me.  For the first time in a long time, I was creating space for writing.  I was allowing it to be important.  I stopped using the terms, ” I want to be a writer,” or, “I am an aspiring writer.”  I called myself “writer” and filled those shoes as best I could.

It was from that place that “Mindful Mondays” was born.

The value of posting every Monday has been the structure and accountability.  It has kept me writing week after week.  My readers share that Mindful Mondays are a nice way to begin the week.  It starts my own week off with meaningful reflection, and connection with my readers.

Gentle structure and accountability are important, and I prescribe them to my patients (and myself) all the time.  You can count on routine when you are looking to adopt a new exercise program or drink more water or meditate every morning.  However…structure and accountability don’t always allow for the beautiful, spontaneous moments.  An afternoon nap when your body wants to rest.  A delicious cup of coffee and a book on Sunday morning.  An unexpected detour off the beaten path just because you want to discover something new.

And that is what I want more of with my writing these days.  When I lean in, when I listen carefully, I am hearing the desire for more, or at least different.  I want to be able to stretch, practice, play, in ways that the structure of the Mindful Monday posts hasn’t allowed me to do lately.  Sometimes I want to share something on a Thursday, but don’t just in case it might be good material for a Monday post.  Sometimes I don’t have anything particularly relevant to say on Mondays, but try to come up with something in order to keep showing up.  Sometimes I want to share a list or a quote or a “part 2”, but can’t quite figure out where that fits in.

As I often say, my writing is a place to practice what I am working on “in real life.”  Right now, I am working on listening carefully to the quiet voices that live within, and honoring those.  As paradoxical as it sounds, I am working on playing more in my life, especially in the unstructured, imperfect moments.  I am working on allowing myself to breathe and grow and shift in the ways that feel important and necessary right now.  I am working on strengthening my voice and allowing that voice to be an agent of compassion and positivity during these challenging times.

So for the next few months, I am bringing those “real life” opportunities to the small playground of my blog.  To break free from the current structure and fool around a little.  There may still be some Mindful Monday posts, but there may also be weeks of no posting, weeks of multiple postings, and who knows what else?

I don’t.  I haven’t a clue.  And honestly,  I don’t want to know, because not knowing feels so important right now.

I want to be surprised by what is borne of true listening and honest expression of what is real in this very moment.  I want to stay close to what feels like it needs to be written, what feels like it needs to be lived, and let the words come from that place.  I want to be able to curl up when I need to protect what feels fragile, and I want to be able to spread my wings when I feel constricted and tight.  I want my writing to breathe.

Thank you for continuing to walk, read, write, and notice, right alongside me as we discover together how the months ahead unfold.  I never knew that the most breathtaking part of this whole journey would be the company I kept along the way.  Thank you for being here.

I can’t wait to see what comes next.

With gratitude, Monisha


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